Let’s just get to it.  This blows.

9:06 AM: Can’t sleep anymore and have a pretty intense headache, though I slept really well.  Great.  Determined to better space out the juices so that I can get to sleep at a reasonable hour today.  Did not make it the suggested 2 hours last night before passing out but I can’t say I’m super fussed.

12:43 PM: Couldn’t make it through the green juice, and am now sucking down water like it’s my job.  I wonder if this is the “cleanse” part finally taking hold?

1:37 PM: Major discomfort.  Seriously considering throwing in the towel just to get rid of the terrible heartburn.  Juice 2, normally my favorite, is killing me.

2:15 PM: I FEEL LIKE I’M TAKING CRAZY PILLS. Seriously, a normally innocuous, funny scene in one of my favorite episodes of Gilmore Girls (the one where Rory finds out she got into every college she applied to and Paris freaks out on CSPAN because she had sex with her boyfriend and SPOILER ALERT didn’t get into Harvard and Sookie is pregnant and WHATEVER you don’t CARE) just made me cry.  Oh, and I cheated and ate roughly ¼ of a cucumber.

3:12 PM: Decided not to finish juice 2, at least not right away.  I’m feeling less crazy and my stomach is much calmer than it was, but my head is still in a fair amount of pain.  Considering skipping beets altogether and eating an avocado instead, but it is difficult to let these juices beat me and that is a long way away since it’s 3:15 and I’m still on juice 2.  Almost past caring though.  Hoping that SoapNet airs the episode of One Tree Hill where Dan Scott gets hit by a car while finding out he is getting a heart transplant, or the episode where a dog eats the heart he’s supposed to get.  I ate the rest of the cucumber.  SUE ME.

5:05 PM: Definitely spent all afternoon watching SoapNet programs but you know what?  I am not ashamed.  The green juice is feeling sort of good right now, and I am still girded to skip the beets.  Some broad on the internet wrote that she skipped the beets on the last day and had avocado/cucumber sushi rolls.  That sounds AMAAAAAAAZING and I am going to steal her idea, almost certainly.  3 days off solid food is just not the way to live, people!  Decided to take an herbal laxative as suggested by the cleanse people to…help things along.  Note to cleanse people: you should list “PMS-style weepies” as a possible side effect because I’ve been there all day.  ONE TREE HILL SHOULD NOT MAKE ANYONE TEAR UP.  IT IS NOT NATURAL.


7:16 PM: So conflicted about possible rolls.  The feeling of failure is deep but the thought of beet juice makes me want to VOM.

8:22 PM: SWEET MANNA OF THE GODS, THESE ROLLS ARE A REVELATION.  I have zero regrets about breaking the cleanse and abandoning the beet juice.  Throwing caution to the wind, I choose to use the lemon cayenne number as a beverage.  I’m just a badass like that.  As the blogger who I stole the idea professes, these small morsels of solid food are going to keep me from ordering an egg-and-cheese-bagel-extra-egg-extra-cheese with a side of cheese for breakfast tomorrow.  So in the long run and in comparison, a bit of sticky rice and a few drops of soy sauce are not so bad.

9:22 PM: Making the executive decision to drink the cashew milk for breakfast tomorrow so I can get a good night’s sleep tonight.  Admittedly, I feel really good right now, but given how badly I’ve been doing for the last 12 hours I am not sure if that can be attributed to the juice.  Stay tuned for a full juice analysis/solid food recap tomorrow!


Juicy Day 2

April 10, 2011

Saturday, April 8

Here we are on day 2 of the fast- hump day, if you will.  It began a beautiful, brisk Saturday afternoon full of activity, but the close has not been nearly as pleasant, leading me to wonder again if I am doing it wrong.  There’s no turning back now, of course, but even the smell of my roommate’s crackers just now sent me into paroxysms of grief since there is STILL no food tomorrow.  “Liveblog” after the jump… ungh.

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April 9, 2011

First, some housekeeping: let’s ignore the last few months, shall we?  The blog and I went on a little hiatus to re-evaluate what we wanted out of our relationship.  We might have done some things we both regret but we’re not talking about it.  So stop looking at me like that so we can just move forward, okay?  GOD, are you ever going to trust me again?!  I can’t keep apologizing forever!!  WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!


Now, on to the matter at hand.  Juice fasts have been all the rage amongst youngsters for quite a while now, it seems, so when the prospect of a juicing partner arrived, I bit the bullet and started the Blueprint Cleanse.  More so than the health benefits these Blueprint people claim to produce with their fruit and veggie delights, I am interested in the psychological effects of not basing my days around when/what/where I’m going to eat and obsessively reading food blogs.  That said, these juice puppies are pretty pricey, so this had better be worth it.  In the name of returning to regular updates, the whole experience will be liveblogged for your reading pleasure, starting from my preparation FAIL yesterday.


Thursday, April 7

8:00 PM: Yoga was real hard tonight.  I get the box’o’juices and holy Moses, it is big.  They provide a fun little insulated bag that will be perfect for my lunches!  The juices do sound tasty.  I compulsively put them in numbered order in the fridge.


8:16 PM: Happy I made it home in time for our weekly D&D game (shut up, it’s cool).  Even happier to see a bag of Doritos, unopened, pristine, sitting right in front of my couch.  So much for pre-cleanse healthy dinner.  Sorry, broccoli!  Doritos win.  Also, I lose.  Doritos will be the fluorescent orange death of me.


9:30 PM: Cereal is healthy, right?  Must make myself feel better about eating only Doritos for dinner.  Sort of works, until I eat an Oreo Double Stuf and feel like a failure.  Will instate a new rule banning snack products from the house post-haste.

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